I love to read. Like, LOVE it. For me, reading is a chance to get lost for a while, or get to know myself better. It is very much a solitary, soul-searching experience for me.

Well, I recently started a book study (The Purpose-Driven Life, if you’re wondering) with a friend, and it’s WEIRD. I’ve never read a book with someone else. It’s always been my little hideaway. Of course, the reading isn’t the issue. It’s the discussion. We’re only a few days in and already the chapters have had me searching pretty deep and confronting some things in my life. And I have to tell my friend about those things. And he has to tell me about his things. And I’m FREAKING OUT. (I haven’t told him this yet (maybe tonight?), so if he runs across this blog post somehow… surprise!)

What I am realizing is that it is hard to be honest. It’s scary, and it’s uncomfortable. But it also builds trust. It releases a person from the stress of having to deal with things on his or her own. It creates bonds. Relationships of any kind cannot function without it.

So, scary as it is, I’m going to keep plowing through and being honest. Because it’s worth it.

Can you imagine how different our lives (and even society!) would be if we were more honest with ourselves and others? Let’s start an honesty revolution! Let’s stop hiding! Who’s with me?

I Just Want To Know You Better

Have you ever thought about the ways we get to know people; like, the process?  

It was never something I gave much thought to.  Getting to know people was always a very natural process for me, one I didn’t really ever have to think about.  It is easy to get to know people when you can be around them and live life with them.  Different situations show different sides of people and all of that is silently and subconsciously observed and filed away in our brain.  

This all changed for me when I began chatting with someone about a month ago.  Our communication is solely written, as he is countries away for the time being.  At first, I was so excited that our communication would be mainly written, because I feel like I express myself better in written form than in spoken form.  I guess I thought I’d have some sort of advantage or something.  But as time has gone on, I find myself rewriting and rereading and second-guessing myself.  I’m realizing just how hard it is to get to know someone, and have them get to know you, solely through letters and emails.  I’m to the point where I’m over-analyzing things and wondering if my replies really express who I am.  I have found that emotions are not very well conveyed through writing.  Or maybe I just don’t have that talent.  Or MAYBE I’m just scared to be myself, completely, for fear that I won’t be accepted?

Woah.  I think I just had an epiphany.  

Okay, well, I guess I’m going to end this post and go on a little self-discovery mission.  So there’s that.

A Beautiful Epiphany

Last week, my coworker and I got excited about life and decided to go big or go home in the area of self-improvement.  We’re talking the whole bit: drinking half our body weight in water every day (to give you an idea of how much that would be, consider an ocean.), starting up Weight Watchers, and going to the gym.  Today we made our end of the month goals.

I find all of this funny, because for the first time in a long time (maybe ever), I’ve recently finally begun to see myself as beautiful.  All 300+ pounds of me.  I can look at pictures of me and not grimace.  I can appreciate the beauty in other women without feeling bad about myself.  I can take compliments without secretly thinking that they’re not true.

I don’t know what caused this mental shift.  The only thing that I can come up with is that I have grown closer to God.  He’s not only my Creator, but also my Father, my Savior, and my Friend.  He created me in His own image.  And not only that, but He lives within me (as corny as I have always thought that sounded…), and the places where God dwells can only be beautiful.  As a daughter of the One True King, I am not only loved, but I have beauty written into my DNA.

Don’t take this the wrong way- I am not bragging in the least, and I am not going to go all narcissistic and get a big head on you.  I promise.

It is just nice to be able to focus on this self-improvement journey for my health and well-being, and not because I feel like I need to look like someone else.  It is also nice that for the first time in my life, I don’t feel terrible about myself.

Having spent the first 13 years of my life in an environment where I was constantly being told I was fat, ugly, and lazy, on top of the general consensus of society that women are less-than and need to look different than how God made them, this new mindset is refreshing, not to mention incredibly healing.  I remember sitting in counseling one day a couple years ago and my counselor was having me picture my younger self.  She then told me to tell my younger self that she was beautiful.  I couldn’t do it.  Now, I think I can.


Notice there's nothing on this list about looking more beautiful.  Love it.

Notice there’s nothing on this list about looking more beautiful. Love it.

9 ways to date God’s way

This. Read it!

A Single Young Christian Mom


Ahhh dating.  Simultaneously the best and worst thing.  So fun, so nerve-wracking, at times so confusing, at times so disappointing, at times so filled with hope and promise… It’s so much trial and error, but there is so much to be learned in that time looking for Mr. Right.

What dating has taught me:

1. Give EVERY relationship to God from the beginning – even before you meet up on date #1.  Ask God if this is the right or wrong move.  Ask God what He wants you to learn.  Ask Him to make it perfectly clear whether to continue seeing the guy or not.  Then… you’ve gotta OBEY.  Trust God that if it’s not him, it’s somebody better.  Even somebody that you think seems “perfect” for you won’t come close to the one God’s made just for you.  Trust Him.  He knows every guy’s heart better than…

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Eggs and Beans

Yesterday I was at work, and I had made myself an incredibly yummy but not-so-good-looking breakfast of eggs and refried beans. (Hey, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.  Unless you’re allergic to eggs or beans.  Then feel totally free to knock it without trying it.)  My coworker took one look at it and commented on how disgusting it looked.  I then said, “But it tastes good!”

I’ve been thinking about that exchange.

Isn’t that so relatable with life?  We as a society judge a book (or a person…) by its cover ALL. THE. TIME.  How often do we write off a person before we have discovered his or her true worth?  How quickly we forget that we were each created in the image of God, for an amazing purpose.

As a person who has been overweight for… well, pretty much ever, I can relate.  Don’t get me wrong- I am definitely not about to start throwing myself a pity party about how terrible people are to me and how nobody likes me because I’m fat.  First of all, neither of those notions are true.  I have so many amazing people in my life who don’t care what I look like- they see who I am.  But there are always going to be the few with a snide remark or a disgusted look and a preconceived notion about my activity level and eating habits.

Those people do not know me.  They do not know about my years-long struggle with an eating disorder, or the fact that I like to jog and ran two 5Ks this past year.  Furthermore, they do not know about my relationship with God, my musical abilities, or the fact that I graduated 6th in my class from high school and with a 3.5 GPA from college.  Who could know those things from one look?

Rome was not built in a day, and one blog post isn’t going to change the world.  But wouldn’t it be cool to see what would happen if we resist the urge to judge people on the first look or first impression and write them off before discovering the diamond underneath?

A Note To My Future Guy

(This post was originally posted on my Facebook page on 3/16/14.)


Dear future boyfriend/fiancé/husband,

To make things a little easier on you, I decided to give you a little cheat sheet about me. 

I am awkward and shy around guys, especially ones I like, so you might not be able to tell one way or the other with me.  On top of that, I’m terrible at reading signals, so I’ll never be able to tell if you like me either.  So you’ll probably have to take a faith-filled risk and just put yourself out there and tell me.  Flat out, no beating around the bush.  If you have figured me out enough to do this, chances are high that I probably feel the same way about you.

I like little things.  Good coffee, a good morning text, inside jokes.  Play with my hair and maybe even write me a song, if that’s your thing. If it’s not, that’s okay too.  I’m no good at it myself.

I love your passion.  Even if what you’re passionate about is not something I know much about, I promise I’ll do my best to learn about it and support you.  I love that look in your eye when you talk about what you love and enjoy.  If it makes you happy, that makes me happy.

Maybe some people would say that I should have addressed the “God card” before anything else.  But you’re a Christian and a strong one at that- one who is equipped to be the spiritual leader in our relationship, so we’re good there. 

I like to make you feel special. If that’s spending time with you, cool.  If it’s praying with you and encouraging you with spoken or written words, cool.  If it’s getting in the kitchen and making you a sandwich, cool.  I’m pretty good at making sandwiches.

I know things are probably going to be rough sometimes, but just know that I’m a really hard worker, and if I am with you it means I think you’re worth the fight and the commitment.  I don’t take this stuff lightly.  I’d rather be single than with the wrong person. 

I like you a whole lot. 🙂

Love, Mo