Last week, my coworker and I got excited about life and decided to go big or go home in the area of self-improvement. We’re talking the whole bit: drinking half our body weight in water every day (to give you an idea of how much that would be, consider an ocean.), starting up Weight Watchers, and going to the gym. Today we made our end of the month goals.
I find all of this funny, because for the first time in a long time (maybe ever), I’ve recently finally begun to see myself as beautiful. All 300+ pounds of me. I can look at pictures of me and not grimace. I can appreciate the beauty in other women without feeling bad about myself. I can take compliments without secretly thinking that they’re not true.
I don’t know what caused this mental shift. The only thing that I can come up with is that I have grown closer to God. He’s not only my Creator, but also my Father, my Savior, and my Friend. He created me in His own image. And not only that, but He lives within me (as corny as I have always thought that sounded…), and the places where God dwells can only be beautiful. As a daughter of the One True King, I am not only loved, but I have beauty written into my DNA.
Don’t take this the wrong way- I am not bragging in the least, and I am not going to go all narcissistic and get a big head on you. I promise.
It is just nice to be able to focus on this self-improvement journey for my health and well-being, and not because I feel like I need to look like someone else. It is also nice that for the first time in my life, I don’t feel terrible about myself.
Having spent the first 13 years of my life in an environment where I was constantly being told I was fat, ugly, and lazy, on top of the general consensus of society that women are less-than and need to look different than how God made them, this new mindset is refreshing, not to mention incredibly healing. I remember sitting in counseling one day a couple years ago and my counselor was having me picture my younger self. She then told me to tell my younger self that she was beautiful. I couldn’t do it. Now, I think I can.